The little things...

Dear God,

Thank you for helping me get my butt up and running today. I had almost forgotten what it's like to get up early enough to get stuff done, play with the dogs, and leave for work early. And thanks for the long line at McDonald's. We both knew I had oatmeal at work, and didn't need the yummy greasy burritos, lol!

Thank you for my wonderful family, friends, and home. Thank you for the courage, strength, and resilience. And thank you for you.

Love,
a

Dear God,

I know you heard me praying my little rear end off this morning. I left with PLENTY of time to get to work, and some yutz caused a three car accident, and suddenly I am sitting in the same spot for 15 minutes, praying I get to work on time.
I just wanted you to know, I realize those petty things aren't things I should be praying about. And that I'm sorry.
Please help me to help myself overcome my current obstacles.

Love,
A

Thank you, God

Dear God,

Thank you for my niece's healthy and safe delivery. Please continue to look after my brother and his family. :)

Love,

a

Not Broken Yet

Dear God,

I could try harder.

We both know that. I don't know why I let everything pile up and then try to take on the world. But I do know you gave me the strength to get back up when I fall. My resilience has proven to be quite the asset in survival. Thank you.

Love,

a

p.s. I know this is petty. But if you could have a conversation with my face and remind it that we are not 13 and this acne business is for the birds? Thanks.

Life, encrypted.

Sometimes it's hard trying to decipher the right thing, God. I mean, it would truly be easy if everything were actually black and white, but I'm seeing a lot of grayscale, lately. I'm questioning my motives, my thoughts can't be contained, and I am finding myself so very disappointed in society lately.

I know I have taken on a lot lately. I have this urgent need to take care of things for the people I care about and make them happy before myself. It makes me happy to know that I helped. Case in point. Last night, Soon-to-be-Bride said to Bridesmaid (me) "Thank God for you, you have been amazing!" God, you know, and I know, that making those favors and wedding programs might have taken some time and resources to figure out the formatting for the label and card paper sizes, but I so wanted them to be PERFECT, and the when the card stock smudged on a lot of the prints I was devastated. And she loved them anyways, but I noticed it was sub-par.

And the Making Strides walk this weekend? I got us our pants so that as we walked together, we could do so uniformly, heads held high, and to show (Best Friend) that we support her in this difficult time, and we want to honor her mother's memory and brave struggle by standing at her side.

These things make me happy. Knowing that the little things I am doing to help make someone else's day even just a tiny bit better, makes me happy.

So why do I feel so empty, right now? Why today do I wake up feeling alone, and tired. Why do I feel like after ending yesterday on such a high note, that I have to turn around and be forced to spend my time in a place where I am overworked, unappreciated, and overlooked. And why am I letting it effect my normal punctuality? In my fifteen years in the work force, I have never allowed myself to be late, even if I were dreading the events of the day. And now, in two months, I have ruined my record of punctuality, in excess. Not enough to warrant reprimand (YET), but enough that I am very angry with myself for letting it happen. And the fact that I feel like I am being persecuted for vocalizing issues that need attention, bothers me also. I vocalized these things because I cared, not because I like to hear myself complain. But it broke, God. I just want my "care" back.

And I am still relationship retarded, God. If we could find a way to fix that? I am tired of hearing "patience, God has something great in store for you! Someone as high caliber and caring"... ugh.

Anyways, if you could please consider making it nice out for our charity walk on Sunday, I would appreciate it. Also, please help me to appreciate some of the important things that I feel I neglected in retrospect. And please know that I might struggle, but I am working really hard to be someone you can be proud of.

Love,

a

On the Plus Side

Things seem to either be calming down, or my give a crap ran out. Probably both. I don't mind taking on too much, but I really just don't want to let anyone down.

I also need to get every thing together. Catch up on some of the things I have let slide, without dropping the ball on anything else.

I know some very together people, God, and I don't know how they do it. But I really am going to try to be better about keeping everything together.

And thank you. It wasn't until I read my last post that I realized you did hear me. :)

And don't lose hope yet. I will get it together. :)

Love,
a

Are you there God?

It's me, ...

That book got me through a lot in my younger years. Judy Blume really knew where my head was, and how to bring me back to reality.

Where's my manual for being an adult? I have never been so encompassed by this much turmoil. Right now, it the first time I feel like I have no escape. Drama with family, drama at work, drama with friends, and now I am living in fear in my own home? I know I have always proven myself to be stronger than I think, and very resilient over the years, but I am going to be honest here. I really don't know how much more I can take.

I will own up to my mistakes. I have made plenty, and I do my best to own up when I need to. I hate asking for help God, but I am in a corner.

Please help me. Help me muster some more strength to power through this horrible year so far. Help me to be the person you want me to be. And help me put myself back together, please.

Help me to help my dearest friend through these difficult times, I'd ask you to take care of her mom, but I know you will. Help my friend through these difficult times. Ease her grieving heart, and please allow her family to find comfort and solace. I put my problems on the back burner for her, she needs us more.

Thanks for the ear,

Angela

Dear God,

I may not be the best lamb in your flock, but I think I am finally starting to learn some of the lessons life has been trying to teach me. It's interesting how my thoughts have evolved, and how my emotions are starting to even out. Things were rough for a while, but I made it through having learned new strengths in myself.

So thank you. Thank you for today, and my family, and my family of friends. Thank you for the bad things that make me appreciate the good, and thank you for the abilities I have been given.

Also, (petty, I know) thank you for the smaller butt. :)

Love

a

If at first you don't succeed...

Dear God,

I know I have been failing at more than a few things. And I'm not one to justify effort in correction or aversion as any form of reconciliation. But you know that. And you know what I'm secretly sorry for, and what I should be sorry for but am not. I can only try to do better in the future and hope to succeed. But I have to wonder why somethings are so wrong when they feel so good and right? I'm conflicted within myself. I am actually putting forth effort into "fixing" the arena's in my life that I am not performing at my best, and I hope I can figure out how to balance being a "responsible adult" and still have fun and enjoy life.

That said, Thank You. Thank you for my determination, perseverance, and strength. Thank you for the wonderful people in my life. And thank you for every minute I get to spend with them.

Love,

a

Dear God,

All I can say is thank you for helping me get through this week! The long hours, short staff, and relationship retardation I have developed all made this week kind of trying.

But on the plus side, it felt so good to get back into the studio again, I am excited to see my sister tonight, and I am SOOOO glad it is about to be the weekend.

I need to make good use of this weekend. I have a lot to do, but you already know that.

Please help me to get all my stuff done and have time to relax.

Love,
a

Dear God,

Sometimes, even I am confounded at the things I get myself into. I really hope you have a great sense of humor, and that this is just supposed to be funny. At least I am able to see the irony. I guess I saw it as a chance to get past the hurt, and laugh about the irony. It will be interesting to see how this plays out... Answering a personal ad that was posted by an ex...

I rolled out of bed late this morning, and went to work early, go figure. But I am super appreciative of getting invited back to work in the studio. I LOVE to sing. You already know that though.

Today has been trying. But as much as it's trying to get me down, I'm pushing back harder not to let it get me down. That has to stand for something.

Love,
a

Dear God,

As I fumble blindly through life, this last year has brought me to spiritual exploration. There are times where I felt though I were confidently striding in the right direction, and times where I have felt so lost and conflicted. I find myself still seeking, still needing to grow, and still feeling very lost.

I question my Faith, sometimes. I feel like I want to believe certain things, and then I can't wrap my head around them, and I just give up. And, God, I am sorry. I wish I could be this shining reflection of you, but I find that I have failed. I want to write you, so that maybe this "one sided" conversation can help me figure things out, help me to rebuild our relationship, and express myself in words.

There is so much more...

Thanks for listening,

A